Hello my beautiful readers!
I just sat down to write a blog post today and I was brainstorming ideas of what I wanted to talk about with you all. Maybe I could share the coffee adventure I went on today or how my classes are going, but then it hit me. The thing that I initially started blogging about in the first place. Boys.
Now this blog is basically like this online and very public diary that I'm sure no one in my real life group of people read, so I appreciate that you guys are here and enjoy reading these kinds of things.
The end of 2018 left me really craving and feeling like I needed to be in a relationship. All I wanted was someone to have deep conversations with, go out on adventures with, and just experience the magic of the holidays with. The thing I realized this year was that I felt like I was wasting a lot of my times on apps like Tinder, thinking what will this guy think of me, or wow this guy is cute I hope he talks to me. Yes those are all valid feelings to have, but I felt like I was chasing this thing, which I wasn't sure if it was a relationship or a friend of a companion that I just wasn't going to find on an app like Tinder. I didn't want to spend hours swiping on people to find what the ideal guy would look like or have meaningless conversations with multiple guys. When I came to this realization that's when I deleted all the dating apps I was using and told myself that was enough. I've tried over the years very openly talk to guys I've been interested and be upfront with people, but it was never appreciated or reciprocated. Again, it was the feeling of chasing something and never really getting to it.
I don't want 2019 to be like that. At this point in my life, no matter how lonely I feel or how much I think I might want a relationship, I want this year to be about improving myself as an individual. I want to prioritize the things I want to do, the goals I want to accomplish, and if someone comes into my life that might be interesting or I enjoy their company, then I'll go from there. I just refuse to be the only one being upfront and taking action in a relationship. I want someone to fight for me and tell me that I'm worth their time and they want to see where things would go. I'm tired of living in this constant what if this would happened in my life with someone and for once just let things happen. And in all honesty, if nothing happens, then maybe it's not meant to happened right now. It's cheesy and cliche, but there are so many things going on in my life right now to help me in the direction I want my life to go, I want to focus on those things. I don't want my mind filled with random fluff and an unreachable feeling or goal that I'm not good enough.
Anyways, sorry about that long tangent, I just wanted that to be out in the open to remind myself of those things.
Basically 2019 is going to be my doing me. Not chasing boys. Not thinking what if. None of that bullshit because I think that I deserve more than that.
Before I end this post, since I mentioned it in the title, I was thinking about why I'm so attracted to athletes and from my own self detection I''ve come to a conclusion. It may not me right, but this is what I think. I'm a pretty shy and closed off person when I first meet someone. I'm really friendly once I've gotten to know someone, but usually not right off the bat. I wish I had more confidence. Athletes, or the ones I've liked in the past anyway have to have a certain degree of confidence and arrogance in themselves to do what they do. Now the problem for me is detecting whether they're confident or arrogant. I think confidence and people who are sure in themselves and what they want is extremely attractive. Sometimes I may give people the benefit of the doubt and just assume that their arrogance is confidence.I want someone who balances me and can get me out of the shell I find myself in sometimes. But not being able to make that distinction puts me in a spot where I end up taking a chance and realizing that all some guys do are play games, and they know they can get girls, and my feelings towards them is typical and nothing new.
Wow this post turned into a real raw rant. Yikes. Anyways, to wrap this up, I'm kind of over the athlete stereotype. Like I said, this year is going to be chill, and the year for me to improve me. I'm going to admire from away. Especially the arms, lol. If you know me, you already know, haha.
If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. If you guys like Boy Talks let me know in the comments below. I'll see you on Friday with another new post!
Stay young, stay beautiful, and you do you honey.
~Shivani
I just sat down to write a blog post today and I was brainstorming ideas of what I wanted to talk about with you all. Maybe I could share the coffee adventure I went on today or how my classes are going, but then it hit me. The thing that I initially started blogging about in the first place. Boys.
Now this blog is basically like this online and very public diary that I'm sure no one in my real life group of people read, so I appreciate that you guys are here and enjoy reading these kinds of things.
The end of 2018 left me really craving and feeling like I needed to be in a relationship. All I wanted was someone to have deep conversations with, go out on adventures with, and just experience the magic of the holidays with. The thing I realized this year was that I felt like I was wasting a lot of my times on apps like Tinder, thinking what will this guy think of me, or wow this guy is cute I hope he talks to me. Yes those are all valid feelings to have, but I felt like I was chasing this thing, which I wasn't sure if it was a relationship or a friend of a companion that I just wasn't going to find on an app like Tinder. I didn't want to spend hours swiping on people to find what the ideal guy would look like or have meaningless conversations with multiple guys. When I came to this realization that's when I deleted all the dating apps I was using and told myself that was enough. I've tried over the years very openly talk to guys I've been interested and be upfront with people, but it was never appreciated or reciprocated. Again, it was the feeling of chasing something and never really getting to it.
I don't want 2019 to be like that. At this point in my life, no matter how lonely I feel or how much I think I might want a relationship, I want this year to be about improving myself as an individual. I want to prioritize the things I want to do, the goals I want to accomplish, and if someone comes into my life that might be interesting or I enjoy their company, then I'll go from there. I just refuse to be the only one being upfront and taking action in a relationship. I want someone to fight for me and tell me that I'm worth their time and they want to see where things would go. I'm tired of living in this constant what if this would happened in my life with someone and for once just let things happen. And in all honesty, if nothing happens, then maybe it's not meant to happened right now. It's cheesy and cliche, but there are so many things going on in my life right now to help me in the direction I want my life to go, I want to focus on those things. I don't want my mind filled with random fluff and an unreachable feeling or goal that I'm not good enough.
Anyways, sorry about that long tangent, I just wanted that to be out in the open to remind myself of those things.
Basically 2019 is going to be my doing me. Not chasing boys. Not thinking what if. None of that bullshit because I think that I deserve more than that.
Before I end this post, since I mentioned it in the title, I was thinking about why I'm so attracted to athletes and from my own self detection I''ve come to a conclusion. It may not me right, but this is what I think. I'm a pretty shy and closed off person when I first meet someone. I'm really friendly once I've gotten to know someone, but usually not right off the bat. I wish I had more confidence. Athletes, or the ones I've liked in the past anyway have to have a certain degree of confidence and arrogance in themselves to do what they do. Now the problem for me is detecting whether they're confident or arrogant. I think confidence and people who are sure in themselves and what they want is extremely attractive. Sometimes I may give people the benefit of the doubt and just assume that their arrogance is confidence.I want someone who balances me and can get me out of the shell I find myself in sometimes. But not being able to make that distinction puts me in a spot where I end up taking a chance and realizing that all some guys do are play games, and they know they can get girls, and my feelings towards them is typical and nothing new.
Wow this post turned into a real raw rant. Yikes. Anyways, to wrap this up, I'm kind of over the athlete stereotype. Like I said, this year is going to be chill, and the year for me to improve me. I'm going to admire from away. Especially the arms, lol. If you know me, you already know, haha.
If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. If you guys like Boy Talks let me know in the comments below. I'll see you on Friday with another new post!
Stay young, stay beautiful, and you do you honey.
~Shivani